I want to go home….but I can’t…

I just figured…it took me about 3 years to get over and totally forget whatever I felt for some guy only to find myself falling in love with the wrong guy….again! *sigh*

…and that was 3 years of not seeing him at all! But V…I need to resolve to get him off my multiply….which ain’t gonna help much since I know his multiply address…but I’m thinking it’s a start, right?

At least he…gardangit song from my roommate’s room…Ryan Cabrera’s “True”… anyways… yeah I am contemplating… because I cannot stay here for 3 years!

It inspires me thru my everyday struggles and my general feeling of being lost (in all definitions of the word).

It occured to me that in my short career in the corporate world, I have gone from one good company to a not so good one and now to a bad one. A "progression" if you may, from bad to worst, I am talking about the extra things that make the difference in terms of benefits and the people who manage it.

First company (circa early 2000s) was by far the best company I have worked with, benefits, people, friends, environment; just don't ask about my last supervisor or you'll only get vitriol out of me, nevertheless I loved the place if only I had more reason to stay or a special something to tie me down.

Second company had that extra edge, coz it gave me my first love and my first heartbreak and everything in between, not to mention 2 people who actually hated me...I didn't think anyone could hate me at all!  But don't ask about the benefits, as for the better part of my stay there, there was none.

And now?

Now I think I'm in the worst company ever and I only have myself to blame.

Yeah yeah, the pay here is more than twice, almost triple actually, of what I got from the second company, but it's a hellhole and that shit-ass placement agency in the Philippines should be burned to the ground!

Though compared to the general populace, I am better off and still not, because I know I deserve better, and that I have not reached my potential for greatness (yes I am a baby megalomaniac).

I find it hard to love what I am doing or at least be proud of the company I am working for, but I can't! I simply can't. Everything is a facade. A desert mirage.

When will I get my oasis?

I have done nothing but complain and complain because that is all I can do. If I could rectify my situation I would.

If I've said this one too many times, it's because it's the truth... I miss everyone back home.

But for now,all I can do is to grin and bear, coz as the song says, it's not about the mountain nor the uphill battles or whatever is waiting on the other side...it's the climb

He's the one sort of reaching out to me... (V who else!)... and I don't know what to do...I don't want to turn him away and ignore him or delete him from my life again, I just want him far away from me and not communicating in any way...like most of my male friends...

Why can't he be like that???