enidine's Xanga

I Cling

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 21:06:45 GMT

Hi my name is Enid and I am a Cling-on...

17 days till 2010 and I am still clinging on to this feeling which was so 2008....

17 days till I come home for my vacation and still this...this thing that made me decide to try life in a foreign country..and I've proven that distance has not worked for my benefit this time.

Here's hoping my former officemates don't do anything stupid to actually try and make us meet up...which on the one hand the Cling-on in me wants to happen, but the cynical me doesn't want to.

If only I can take my heart and put it in an enchanted box, and set sail in the horizon...

But still he would be in my heart...and I can't pry him off...and now I am desperate to pry him off...I think 2 years way too much time already

HOW TO REBUKE A FRIEND

Thu, 03 Sep 2009 23:40:45 GMT

Someone you've considered a "bestfriend" since you were 15....gee...

How time flies... and how much I've realized I don't know her that much...

How do you rebuke her for something that, to my knowledge, that they think they're not doing anything wrong?

A predicament if ever there was one.

I guess this would be something out of a courtroom drama...or just in the line of thinking of someone who is blind to all reason as all they can see is their reality. They stopped thinking outside the box...since they think the whole world is inside it...sad but true.

The sad part is, I am the one she hides most things from, and yet she envies me and our other bestfriend for being closer... and yet I envy them for sharing the things they hide from me. It's a messed up world...and since I hate drama...and confrontation, all I've done so far is post a nondescript cryptic blog on my Multiply and praying she gets that it's about her...while not offending anybody else who thinks it might be about them.

It’s so hard

Thu, 13 Aug 2009 21:10:56 GMT

I want to go home….but I can’t…

I just figured…it took me about 3 years to get over and totally forget whatever I felt for some guy only to find myself falling in love with the wrong guy….again! *sigh*

…and that was 3 years of not seeing him at all! But V…I need to resolve to get him off my multiply….which ain’t gonna help much since I know his multiply address…but I’m thinking it’s a start, right?

At least he…gardangit song from my roommate’s room…Ryan Cabrera’s “True”… anyways… yeah I am contemplating… because I cannot stay here for 3 years!

Will not let, because cannot,let him go

Mon, 08 Jun 2009 09:31:09 GMT

Mahirap bumitaw dahil ayoko.

Nasabi ko na dati na masaya ako sa mga alaala niya at sa alaala ng mga sandaling magkasama kami. Kahit na alam ko na di man lang ako nasaring sa isipan niya.

Nasabi ko na din na gusto ko nang kalimutan siya at maging malaya...pero hindi ko pa rin kaya.

Alam ko na kailangan magawa ko yun, pero ayokong pagbitaw ko sa kanya eh mahulog naman ako sa iba...

"It's not about what's waiting on the other side....it's the climb"

Mon, 20 Apr 2009 17:36:30 GMT

I know, I know, it's a Miley Cyrus song...but I like it.

It inspires me thru my everyday struggles and my general feeling of being lost (in all definitions of the word).

It occured to me that in my short career in the corporate world, I have gone from one good company to a not so good one and now to a bad one. A "progression" if you may, from bad to worst, I am talking about the extra things that make the difference in terms of benefits and the people who manage it.

First company (circa early 2000s) was by far the best company I have worked with, benefits, people, friends, environment; just don't ask about my last supervisor or you'll only get vitriol out of me, nevertheless I loved the place if only I had more reason to stay or a special something to tie me down.

Second company had that extra edge, coz it gave me my first love and my first heartbreak and everything in between, not to mention 2 people who actually hated me...I didn't think anyone could hate me at all! But don't ask about the benefits, as for the better part of my stay there, there was none.

And now?

Now I think I'm in the worst company ever and I only have myself to blame.

Yeah yeah, the pay here is more than twice, almost triple actually, of what I got from the second company, but it's a hellhole and that shit-ass placement agency in the Philippines should be burned to the ground!

Though compared to the general populace, I am better off and still not, because I know I deserve better, and that I have not reached my potential for greatness (yes I am a baby megalomaniac).

I find it hard to love what I am doing or at least be proud of the company I am working for, but I can't! I simply can't. Everything is a facade. A desert mirage.

When will I get my oasis?

I have done nothing but complain and complain because that is all I can do. If I could rectify my situation I would.

If I've said this one too many times, it's because it's the truth... I miss everyone back home.

But for now,all I can do is to grin and bear, coz as the song says, it's not about the mountain nor the uphill battles or whatever is waiting on the other side...it's the climb

Should I Give Up...

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 15:53:53 GMT

or should I keep on chasing pavement...

Tell me how

Sat, 24 Jan 2009 09:23:19 GMT

He's the one sort of reaching out to me... (V who else!)... and I don't know what to do...I don't want to turn him away and ignore him or delete him from my life again, I just want him far away from me and not communicating in any way...like most of my male friends...

Why can't he be like that???

What now?

Wed, 21 Jan 2009 17:38:33 GMT

So yeah I think I'm nearly over that dilemma over V...but now I have more time to think about my life and what I want to achieve with it (aside from being a follower of Christ of course!)...

Do I try and apply for a Master's Degree in Tourism in Europe? Do I try and look for another job?

It's true

Thu, 04 Dec 2008 21:28:06 GMT

"WHEN THE SUN IS SHINING BRIGHTLY FOR YOU,

YOU DON'T NOTICE THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU ARE IN SHADOW"

AN EPIPHANY....finally!!!

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 21:32:09 GMT

I commented on my cousin's blog earlier this evening, about her post in trusting God...and I said that in all things that has happened to me I almost always never doubted His ways (question Him yes)...except for the matter that has been bugging me for so long and is the cause of most posts here in my Xanga...which I have called the "V series"...

Questions like....

-Why do I love him, even though I know for sure (from praying and praying about it) that he isn't the one for me?

-Why can't I let him go?

-Why does the memory of him still make me smile and happy?

-Why this heartache?

And finally...I had the answer to this more than a year's worth of dilemma!!! Or well I think it's the answer...

I think God let me fall in love with V so I would know what it feels like....coz I remember before all this brouhaha, I couldn't really say that I had fallen in love or felt what it was like to love someone other than family and close friends...as in unconditional love...and here it was...more than a year's worth of it.... I was reluctant at first to admit that I truly loved him because I didn't know what it was really like, and I agonized over it for a very loong time...

And it was only when I accepted the fact that I did love him that.... I agonized some more!!! hahaha... because I knew from the start he wasn't the one God meant for me...

And now that I have some answers to the questions... I can say that I hopefully can now go on the road to recovery and wait patiently for the one that God meant for me all along...

A stillness and peace in my heart, knowing that I loved you even if you loved me not...And yet I loved you still, but God is with me and He made my heart understand...that without you I wouldn't know love firsthand...That thru all those heartaches, He was there for me and He knew it was for my maturity...So thank you for letting me love you even though I was weird and crazy,