Tuesday, 25 November 2008
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AN EPIPHANY....finally!!!
I commented on my cousin's blog earlier this evening, about her post in trusting God...and I said that in all things that has happened to me I almost always never doubted His ways (question Him yes)...except for the matter that has been bugging me for so long and is the cause of most posts here in my Xanga...which I have called the "V series"...
Questions like....
-Why do I love him, even though I know for sure (from praying and praying about it) that he isn't the one for me?
-Why can't I let him go?
-Why does the memory of him still make me smile and happy?
-Why this heartache?
And finally...I had the answer to this more than a year's worth of dilemma!!! Or well I think it's the answer...
I think God let me fall in love with V so I would know what it feels like....coz I remember before all this brouhaha, I couldn't really say that I had fallen in love or felt what it was like to love someone other than family and close friends...as in unconditional love...and here it was...more than a year's worth of it.... I was reluctant at first to admit that I truly loved him because I didn't know what it was really like, and I agonized over it for a very loong time...
And it was only when I accepted the fact that I did love him that.... I agonized some more!!! hahaha... because I knew from the start he wasn't the one God meant for me...
And now that I have some answers to the questions... I can say that I hopefully can now go on the road to recovery and wait patiently for the one that God meant for me all along...
A stillness and peace in my heart, knowing that I loved you even if you loved me not...And yet I loved you still, but God is with me and He made my heart understand...that without you I wouldn't know love firsthand...That thru all those heartaches, He was there for me and He knew it was for my maturity...So thank you for letting me love you even though I was weird and crazy,
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